Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
