So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
