call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
