i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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