come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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