I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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