I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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