So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
