1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Duck Duck Cougar?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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