And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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