Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
