1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
