when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
