We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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