pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
