We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
