I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
