We need to start having sex underwater more often.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
