TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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