I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
