I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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