Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
