We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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