Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
