thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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