I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
