Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
