why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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