Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
