...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
