I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
