and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
