I just gift wrapped bread.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
