Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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