OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
