I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
