get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
