I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
