Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
