I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
