Pappa wants mamma naked
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
