He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
