so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You can't special order awesome
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
