My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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