I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
