We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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