i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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