I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it because I queefed?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
