Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
