if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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