Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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