Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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