her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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