I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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