She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
