I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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