Who did Billy Mays play for?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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