I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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