just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
