I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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